Monday, March 21, 2011

One lovely what now? Somebody floves me!?

Whaaaaaa??? Somebody out in blog-land still loves me??!! I can't fecking buhleeve it!

But do you like, like like me? 

Even though I've all but vanished from this interwebiverse, I guess I'm still worthy of being considered for a One Lovely Blog Award!


Honestly, I am sincerely flattered. I am not quite lovely and can barely be counted as an actual 'blog' lately. I was a busy little beavemeister around these parts for a while and after a period of time, I had to take a hiatus...well more like a hibernation, but I'm glad to see that I haven't been completely forgotten. It warms the fuckles of my foul-mouthed heart! 

My loveliest lovely bb Musing Bella over at Cheaper Than Therapy nominated me for this award under a few conditions, and even though I can't really follow directions and am a lazy asshole, I will do my best to make her proud!

Just toss me a hot pocket every couple hours.

Award Rules

To accept this award one must follow the rules.
1. Thank the person that gave it to you and link it back to their blog.
2. Post 7 random facts about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to 15 other blogs.

I believe I've accomplished the first requirement (see above) but I will gladly thank MB heartily
and repeatedly until she has to forcefully extricate my arms from around her dainty 'lil neck and most likely call local law enforcment...and then move, change her email(s), phone #, and last name. Juuuuuuuust kidding...maybe.

That's how you know I loooooooove youuuuu.

I guess the next step is to reveal 7 random facts about myself, but I'm pretty fucking boring so prepare yourselves for a yawnfest folks. Here's my randomness:

#1. I am a semi-germaphobe. I have crazy ass OCD when it comes to some things. I wash my hands so much that the skin on my knuckles splits and bleeds about 8 months out of the year. I get anxious when other people around me don't wash their hands, and there are about 4 (small) bottles of Purell in my purse right now. FUN!

#2. I am deathly, paralyzingly, and hysterically afraid of heights. I do not fly, ride roller coasters, hot air balloon, bungee jump or anything else that lifts me over 2 feet off the ground. I even have trouble with elevators and and I start hyperventilating every time I have to get on an escalator. It's sad really.

#3. I am a special needs Mom. I don't mean that I am a special needs Mom. My son was born with cerebral palsy and significant brain damage, and is permanently disabled because of it. He can't walk, talk, eat by mouth, or use the toilet...he is completely dependent, but more than worth every ounce of effort. He's actually my good kid. Much more tolerable than my 3yr old daughter who is typically abled and is a total pain in my ass!

#4. I like to pick things up with my toes. They aren't webbed (boooooooorrrring), so they aren't nearly as amazing as someone I know, but they can pick up paper, money, clothes...stuff that I'm too lazy to bend over and pick up off the floor.

#5. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who can't spell! Maybe it's because my mother was an English major and a grammar Nazi who used to correct my homework before I turned it in. Whatever the reason...incorrect spelling just buggers the shit right out of me and I can't focus on what the writer is saying because I'm too busy punching them with my mind.

#6. I am in a plural relationship. Go ahead...ask. Er wait, maybe don't ask...unless you really wanna know. ;)

#7. I'll take a cue from MB and say that I could watch cooking shows for a week straight and not get sick of them. Competitions in particular. Chopped, Iron Chef (prefferably the original), Dinner Impossible, Worst Cooks in America...fuck YAH! I fancy myself a foodie and I flurve to cook and have new food experiences. :)

Aaaaaaaand there ya have it folks! If you haven't fallen asleep and smashed your face against the keyboard then consider yourself enlightened on the intricacies of E.

I must now give bewb grabs to the ladies I love, that made me laugh or connected with me on some level in a real way. Word. I gotta be honest though, I've been MIA for a bit and am rusty on what's what with all the blog whores I used to run with! I have no doubt that nearly every blog on my list will have already won this and many other fucktastic awards. I'm so not looking that shit up. Fuuuuuck that noize. Cheers ladies!

In no order of importance:

Twitarded (well fucking duh)

Twi Soup

Too Much Coffee

House of Jackassery

It's Whine Thirty

The Bloggess

Have Love Will Deviate

Tongue Twied

My discomRobulation


Cheaper Than Therapy ( yes. shut up.)

I know it's not fifteen. It's like 10. Or whatever. That's all I got in me right now. Revisit, relive, remember. :) Glad to be back in the mix!

Squeezes and smooches to everyone reading. Truly. Plus a big 'ol wet sloppy one for Musing Bella. I'm obnoxious. Heehee!


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The one where I'm a toilet. Life is good!

Well look who's a big fat fucking liar!


I know I said I'd be back and talk about some shit where I liken myself to a toilet, because I find a bowlful of similarities between myself and a commode. Seriously...some eerie similarities. 

Umm, not exactly..

1)I need to be flushed. I can't have shit just hanging around stinking up the place.

2)I need to deal with the shit and then flush it away so I can start with a clean bowl.

3)I need to be scrubbed regularly.

4)I sweat.

5)I can be a relaxing place to release the bowels of of your inner being (emotionally...don't be gross).

6)I can take a lot of shit before I fucking overflow and ruin your goddamn day.

7)I don't swallow tampons so I wouldn't expect any other toilet to do so. Comraderie and all.

Dude. You're doing it wrong.


It's been 6 months since I busted out with anything.

Just seeing who's listening...