Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Give me some fucking silly! STAT!!!

Let's listen to some music, shall we?

Scroll to this. I command you.

I totally love free hugs under bridges.


Oh holeeee hale it seems like I've been gone for fucking evuh! Golly gee whiz I sure have missed all you sweet little really mean alot to me. Truth. I've had an INTENSE life lately, and I'm ready to have some fucking laughs. How bout y'all??

This is my fucking life.

Looks cuddly right??? It's fucking not.

I wanna give a great big face hump to all my new slaves followers (although i prefer the term bitchfaces) and say WELCOME!!! Please chime in...seriously! Comment, tell me you love me, hate me, tell a fucking dirty joke, or just do a random fly by FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK.
*waves to Raitz* It's all good in my hood. Do it. I dare you.

Avoid brown shoes. They are the Debil.

So I just need to fucking have a drink, a smoke (filterless cigarette anyone?) and a few laughs...ya know, lighten the fuck up. Dig?

Sweet...I have a 50/50 chance at immortality!!! Suck it non-smokers.

 Just don't light up around Russian bears...they fuck your shit up.

I'm the one on the right.

Don't follow this dude out to the parking lot...just...don't.

There's not alot of substance here...I just wanted to make myself giggle. Mission accomplished.

One more thing before I go....

 got the gheyt!!!!

Relax, life is too fucking short...

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings

Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle

Love and laughs.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Rob's Horoscope and The Blog Train pulls into the station...

The Blog Train has reached it's final destination...and I predict Rob's future!

Rob's Horoscope for 2010:

I'mma ignore Uma.

Taurus Yearly 2010 Horoscopes:

Taurus (Apr 20- May 20)

People who are born under Taurus zodiacal sign possess very significant characters that are special to only this sign. Very stubborn, adamant, influential, practical, pragmatic and smart, a typical Taurus is a sign of stability and conformity. These people can reach very high success levels due to their power of will and perseverance. All these positive traits make them extraordinarily powerful and energetic. Even with all these powerful qualities, a typical Taurus person can be extremely personal and caring towards other people; affection and loyalty are two friendly words to these people. A person who is born under this sign can be very expressive and caring while giving their opinions on any subject or topic. They can easily indulge in great debates and discussions where one needs to give scholarly thoughts and ideas.

Another positive quality of a person belonging to this sign is his or her ability to make friends with all people. In fact, these people may have a large friend circle that likes to hang around all the time. A typical Taurus person can show immense affection towards the opposite sex. In all, a Taurus person is a wholesome person who can succeed any day with a sense of deep purpose. Taurus 2010 yearly horoscope is a mixed bah for them as they may face some setbacks or disappointments throughout the year. It could be an average year for these people because of some uncertainties in their career development.

Taurus 2010 Career and Income Horoscope

People working in advertising and entertaining industry may get tremendous success in their career. Female show-persons, actors, models and costume designers will stand to gain immensely satisfying results. People who are looking for a career in motion picture and hospitality industry will get their break in the second half of the year. In summary, most Taurus people will find the second half of the year to be more promising and encouraging.

Taurus 2010 Love, Family and Social life Horoscope

Love, family and social life for Taurus people can be somewhat disappointing throughout the year. Immense marital and domestic trouble may brew in the first quarter of the New Year while the last quarter may act as a period of reconciliation. Due to the bad confluence of Mars and Saturn planets, Taurus people may undergo serious marital strain in the first half of the year. However, the legendary will power of Taurus will see these people recuperate from all possible domestic upheavals. People who are looking towards new relationship will need to plan very carefully. Social life for the New Year could be very disturbing while workplace relationship could see marked disturbance. In all, the last part of the New Year will bring hopes and encouragement to all Taurus people.

Taurus 2010 Education and Traveling Horoscope

On a positive note, 2010 Taurus horoscope is an excellent year for students, researchers and scholars. Professionals who work in research laboratories may do exceedingly well in their field. Students may see unqualified success coming in their way in the first half of the year. Academic achievements and scholarship gains are possible in the second half of the year. Due to their innate intelligence and eruditeness, Taurus people can reach very high success levels throughout the year. Travelling is possible many Taurus students in the middle parts of the year.

Taurus 2010 Health Horoscope

Health wise, Taurus 2010 yearly horoscope may not to be too good. Occasional health problems may impede daily life while health problems associated with lungs and stomach may bother people in the last quarter of the year. Minor accidents may await some Taurus people in the third quarter of the year.

So Rob, you can expect a year of being surrounded by friends, financial and vocational success (especially during the second half of this year) and possible relationship upheaval with your lover.

*crosses fingers for relationship upheaval*

You will also do an enormous amount of traveling (duh?) and possibly decide to enhance your intelligence by taking a couple of courses at your local community college.

Or as Chris Rock calls them, "A disco with books."

You will need to take extra good care of yourself, to avoid getting the sick. Watch for falling rocks because accidents may happen to cause you injury towards the end of the year.

Oh Noooooooooooooooooooes!!!!

You will also continue to be fuckhawt and your mere existance will be fodder for the sexual fantasies of women of all ages. Watch your back.

Surprise buhtsecks is not fun.

There you go Rob.
Now you do me.


Don't hurt yourself,

Follow The Train!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Happy Happy Joy Joy....Patzy and The Pusher!

It's Your Birfday! Anything goes on the Blog Train today!!!

How's it feel to be the big 24???

"Fucking fangirrls won't leave me alone!"

I probably can't get a moment's peace. So I won't bug you today. I'll just take a moment to say I hope your day was filled with lots of good prezzies and maybe a nap. I always like a good nap. And cake. I like cake.

How was your cake?


Nom nom nom.

Anyway....Guess what? I'ts not just your Birthday today, it's also the day that a certain special someone in my life was born. I must pay a special tribute because if it wasn't for her, I never would have fallen in love with you. 

"What do you mean you never would have fallen for me?"

I won't sully my brain with such nonsense...

She was the one who first force fed loaned me these books...ya know, the ones about the sparkly vampires? I blame her, and her alone for the crazy as fuck spiral that my life has taken. You know her as The Pusher.

Me and the Pusher

Happy fucking birthday life ruiner my dear sweet friend!

This is all your fault!!!

I won't take up anymore of your special day. I just wanted to take a mo to tell you BOTH how fuckawesome you are, and my life is better with you in it!!!


Now go drink your faces off.

Birthday Love,

Follow The Train!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A super secret Birthday poem for Rob! Ride this train...

E's Personal Birthday Message to Rob...

That's right. It's personal yo. As in just between Rob and I. So deal.'s train is bringing you a bevy of cards, poems, and all around warm fuzzies. Which means of course that I have to resort to my old standby to get your attention...being a smartass. Which is cool, cuz being a smartass comes naturally to me.

"Uhm, tell me something new."

Allright, shit...give me a sec...

OK. What you may not know about me, is that I also have a deep-ish sorta touchy-feely maybe jerk a tear kinda sentimental side that I don't let out to play very often. **if you don't believe me, you can suck aidsy monkey ass**  or  **drink a bowl of herpes (bows to JJ)**

Ahem. Back to my point. I thought that I would maybe wax poetic and shit, so here's some sweet, soulful sentiment for you.

"Your smart ass can come out to play with me anytime"

Shut up! I'm trying to be all deep and junk.

So here's a few words for you babe.  *waves to Rob*  

I carry your heart with me  by E. E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me  (i carry it in my heart)

I am never without it

(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world  (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart)

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson

I totes ganked this from Robsessed.

There was a star danced, and under that was I born. - William Shakespeare


Lots of love and gooey kisses, paddle spanks, boobie rubs and everything that birthdays are made of.


**STDs are not funny...if you have one. Otherwise they're hilarious**

Ride the train!!!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

It's prezzie time on the Blog Train!

My gift to Rob

I gotta admit, I'm not the best gift giver. I'm usually too self absorbed to notice what anyone else's likes, dislikes, or interests I try to shop for presents for other people and just end up coming home with a bunch of new shit for myself. Whatever.

Aaaaanywhore....what do you get for the dude who can have anyone anything he wants at the asking???
The answer is that I have no fucking clue, so I resorted to my sense of humor.

True facts.

I guess I'm not total FAIL. I know you like some stuff. Unfortunately, it's the same stuff everybody else knows you like. Like Hot Pockets and Heineken.

Yeah, none for me thanks.

How about a crate of the American equivalent of your favorite breakfast cereal?

You likey the cinnamon toast crunch no??

Of course, you may be more in the mood for a home cooked meal of spaghetti and Kobe meatballs.

I make a mean meatball. No joke here.

Not hungry? Maybe I can offer something to quench your thirst instead...

All you can drink, and a vaycay to boot!!

Of course I'm there too...duh.

This is us at the end of the night.

Of course we all know about the love for beanies and Stoli.

Hobo love will never die.

Perhaps one of these will tickle your happy trail fancy?

You are supah...shall I fetch you a cape?

How about a retreat at the Stoli Hotel? Avec moi...bien sur.

Ok ok. Kidding aside. I think I have something that you may actually LIKE...

"No shit? Let's hear it!"

Drumroll please.......

Front row seats to Van fucking Morrison!!!!!

"That's what the fuck I'm talkin' about."

I thought you'd like that. At least I hoped it would help me score in your book. So, now you know what you're getting from me, but I gottsa be real honest and say it's still not my number one pick of gifts for you.

Sometimes I hate the postal service.

Here's to getting prezzies!!! Even if you don't like any of them, they're still fun to open.


Monday, May 10, 2010

Never Think...Ride the Birthday Blog Train

Never Think

I remember the first time I heard this song. I don't recall the day of the week, the weather, what I was wearing or any inconsequential details. What I remember is the powerful emotion this song yanked out of my heart. I had to hear it again. Again. AGAIN.

Rob has an absolutely, hauntingly beautiful singing voice. He invokes a raw, soulful sentiment in this song. The lyrics are heart wrenching. It is passionate and melancholy at the same time. I have listened to Never Think countless times (literally) since that day, and I have not tired of it. In fact it seems to grip me even tighter as the days go by.

When he sings "Cause without got it all..." I feel like he has looked into my life. I have felt that way so often, and the power behind those words just fucking undoes me...everytime.

I should never think

What's in your heart

What's in our home

So I won't


You'll learn to hate me

But still call me baby

Oh love

So call me by my name


And save your soul

Save your soul

Before you're too far gone

Before nothing can be done

 I'll try to decide when

She'll lie in the end

I ain't got no fight in me

In this whole damn world

So you hold off

She should hold off

It's the one thing that I've known

Once I put my coat on

I'm coming out in this all wrong

She standing outside holding me

Saying oh please

I'm in love

I'm in love

Girl save your soul

Go on save your soul

Before it's too far gone

And before nothing can be done

Cause without me

You got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

Without me you got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

So hold on

Without me you got it all

So hold on


Thank you.


Hop on the Blog Train by clicking here!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy MILF Day!!! Here's some pointless fucking profanity...

This is just a little sumsing to make you all giggle...

I love this dude. Not like, "Oh yeah, totally love that guy"....I mean like, this dude is me with a dick. It's kinda scary.

This is my absolutely pointless tribute to...pretty much anyone who knows what the fuck I'm talking about at any given moment. 


Happy day to you all.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Life could be a dream sweetheart...a Rob dream.

**Bananahammock Update!!!**

IT happened. Finally!!! And by 'IT' I mean I had a dream. And by 'dream' I of course mean a Rob dream. An actual dream dream. Not just a tiny little snippet of a dream where nothing even remotely smexified happens.

"It's about time...I was starting to think you didn't really love me."

As is customary in Twitardia, I promptly emailed the slutty lovely Mrs. P to utilize her mad dream analysis skillz. She (as usual) did not disappoint, and even pointed out that I may, in fact, be psychic.
Here's how thangs went down...I'm in blue, Mrs. P is (as always) in red.

This one is a real dream...not just a little snippet. I took a nap today because I have been in the throes of some ferocious stomach bug (or maybe food poisoning) all day. I have been in the bathroom or in bed all day and am weak and dizzy (more so than usual lol). Maybe my illness produced this dream? Dunno.

So I'm being led by a limo driver to a car that's waiting for me. A limo of course. I'm blindfolded and told not to ask questions about where I'm being taken. It seemed to be a semi-longish drive because I had time to work up anxiety and run through possible destinations. When the car stops, I'm unblindfolded and led to a huge white house in the middle of a forest. I walk inside and see a few people I know (I don't know who they were, I just knew them), and several members of the Twilight cast. It was clear that this was a "safe house" of sorts for the actors and friends to go to that was super secret and secluded.

Everything in the house was white. Walls, tiles, carpet, furniture etc. I'm exploring my way around the house and I run into Kristen. She is in all black with heavy eyemakeup on. She seems nice and we talk for a minute and she offers to show me to my room. I follow her to a large bedroom with a wall of windows and a huge bed decked with bright white linens. Kristen tells me not to touch the condoms on the floor...and I look down and see 3 used condoms on the floor by the bed. She said they were from her and Rob when they slept in that room. I remember feeling suddenly nervous and I said "Rob's here too?" She nodded, and said I should stay out of his way because he didn't like to be bothered. She tells me to unpack and meet her in the bathroom.

Kristen and I are sitting on the floor of a ginormous white bathroom and we are talking. I remember thinking how cool she was being towards me even though I have never really been nice to her (I'm pretty blatant about my non-sten position) and she asks if I wanna get high (smoke some weed) and I do but neither one of us has any.

Next thing I know I'm walking into a t.v. room, sitting area and across the room I see Rob and Kristen sitting on a big overstuffed white couch watching something on t.v.

I turn to walk away and leave them alone, when Rob says to me "Join me", well of course I turn the fuck back around and start making my way across the room. I was intending to sit on the floor in front of the couch, but Rob makes eye contact with me and pats the seat next to him. The seat between him and Kristen. There isn't really space for my ass, so I have to kinda wedge my way in between them and Rob puts his arm around me. I'm shocked and Kristen is pissed. I look at Rob and ask "Is this ok?" motioning towards K's angry self. He just nods and rolls his eyes. I turn to look at K, and she is walking away...

I whisper to Rob, "I thought you guys were together?"

He whispers back "We were, but I'm done with her. She still gets jealous."

I ask about the condoms on the floor in my room.

He says they're really old, but she won't let anyone clean them up.

Then he says he wants us to head upstairs to his room, but he has to take care of some business first. I'm like "Really? You want me to go with you?" He says "Don't you like me?" I say "Yes...alot."

He explains that he's waiting for a phone call from a detective that has been tracking a rabid fan that is stalking him. The detective is going to let him know any new info.

Rob says that after he's off the phone, I shoud meet him in his room. I agree. (duh) The phone rings and I go to answer it, noticing that the name on the caller ID is my husband's name. I hand the phone to Rob and he walks away talking to whoever is on the line.

I start to make my way upstairs and run into Kristen sitting against the wall of the second floor landing, She is obviously upset and I don't know what to say to her. I start to walk past her and she says "I knew this would happen once he saw you." I get defensive and start saying things like I'm sorry, I didn't know this would happen, I don't mean to hurt you...etc.

She says something but I can't make it out...and then she stands up and walks into a room and shuts the door behind her. All of a sudden I feel horrible. Like, crushed.

I start to walk to Rob's room. I'm thinking about how I can tell him that I can't be with I feel bad for K. That feeling is suddenly gone as I walk into his room and see him stretched out on his back in the middle of a spacious white bed. I remember thinking how absolutely beautiful he is, even though all he's wearing is a wife beater and a pair of pastel striped bikini briefs. I think I laughed at him because he sits up and grabs me and pulls me down on the bed with him, and we start laughing and caressing each other. He was smiling at me so big and I remember this intense feeling of warmth and giddiness. I kept asking "Is this really happening? Are you sure you want me?" I don't think he said anything, we just layed there, him on his back, me tucked into his right armpit with my right leg over his stomach.

All of a sudden I reach down and grab his cock over his banana hammock. Rob laughs and says that I didn't ask first so I will be punished. I note my immediate disappointment at the fact that I am able to take his flacid cock and balls in the palm of one hand. I clearly remember thinking that he couldn't compare to my husband. He looks down into my eyes an says "Just wait..."

I start to feel him grow...hard and long. He smiles at me and we move our mouths closer to kiss each other and I am so turned on that I'm sure I will come soon and he won't even have to touch me.

We move to kiss...our noses bump and then I wake up.


"What do you mean?? We didn't get to do it??!!"

Enter Mrs.P.

When you are being "driven " in a dream, it is symbolic of you not being in control of something. Since the dream centers around your Rob obsession, then we can assume that you are being led "blindfolded" through all of this, and you have no control over it. You can't help it. Period.

The fact that the house and everything in it is white symbolizes purity, and a new awakening. So, this tells me, that the dream is about to tell me something NEW in your subconscious...something you are just discovering.

Fast forward to the three condoms. 3 is a symbol of a trilogy...past present and future. Here the condoms tell you something that happened in the past (they had sex), the present fact that they are in a relationship, and it foretells the future fact that will probably have sex again.

You then discover that she is being hurt by him.

You go up the stairs. This is a huge symbol of you getting ready to discover the "grand finale" of your dream, or the big lesson to be learned from your subconscious. What do you do? You feel bad for sympathize with feel guilty about being mean.

You soon forget (which is what you will probably do once they do break up) and go back to ravishing Rob's body.

In a nutshell----you realize you don't like her, but you are not mean enough to wish REAL harm on her. If it were to happen, you would feel bad because you are human after all...but then you will soon forget.

Hmmmmmm. Yes. But I can't seem to leave well enough alone, and probe (teehee) Mrs. P about a couple more things...

I'm still curious about the whole 'everything being white...except KS was in black with heavy eye makeup' thing, and the pastel bananahammock that Rob is wearing. Unless those things are just unrelated random shit from my brain?

I did mention the white in my explanation...but the bananhammock I did not! I'll look into it...

Of  fucking course she did, and I FAIL at life.

So would KS being dressed in black make her the antithesis of purity...and possibly the ending of something? makes her stand out, and it also is symbolic of mystery, darkness, hate, and malice. SO basically she is mysterious to you, and you hate her. LMAO!

Aaaaaaaaaaannnd that is why I supah dupah puffy heart Mrs. P.
She just fucking GETS me yo.

" I'll just lean here and think about what could've been."

Stay tuned for bananahammock updates!!!

** Mrs. P returns with a word on bananahammocks...and fruit.**

Bananhammock Update: see someone in their underwear signifies that you see them for what the really are, and that the situation is a little uncomfortable.

You put him pastel underwear and it makes me think that you may think he is goofy and "colorful" and I'm a little scared you may wonder if he's "fruity"....LMAO!

Well, I would not be altogether uncomfortable to see Rob in his underwear! I do think he can be quite goofy and playful and I love that about him. I will avoid directly addressing the "fruity" aspect  because if I think about it being a real possibility it will make me cry. Alot.

Dream Big.