Sunday, May 2, 2010

How the Fuck did YOU get HERE???

Hai my lovely little snatchy-poos! This past week or so has been one hell of a fucking ride, and I'm exhausted. Buying a house is a mind-fuck, and not the fun kind. My creative juices are all dried up. I have nothing of a revelatory or epiphanous nature to offer at this point in my life.

So I thought this would be a great fucking opportunity for us to have a little 'circle time'. Ya know...grab a carpet tile and gather round and have a little sharing time. Nothing too gooey or complicated. I just wanna know how the fuck you ended up HERE on my bloggy, surrounded by so much awesomesauce?

"Hmmmmm. How the fuck did I get here?"

I won't bore you with all the gory deets...yet. Suffice it to fucking say, my friend (the pusher) loaned me all 4 books and the movie after months of me saying "Yeah, I'll totally get around to that Twilight shit...someday". Yeah. My life got motherfucking upended that day. True story. A week after I got the books I was like an addict looking for a fucking fix. Enter 'Midnight Sun'. Enter FF. Enter Twitarded.

"Oooooooohhhh, that sounds interesting!"

Shhhhhh. I'll get to you in a minute.

Yeah, Twitarded was the crux of my complete undoing. *Points at JJ and STY*
They are completely to blame for me getting sucked in to the bowels meadow that is the epicenter of my Twi-Life now. Well, them and someone else. Yeah. I admit that before I read the books, and saw the movie I used to actually THROW AWAY mags with His face on it, or in it, and would never look back. Sad, I know. I know now what a total fucking unobservant stooge I was.

BANG!  I'm died now. kthnxbai.

JJ and Sty (and the Precious) were my Gateway drug into the Twi-blogosphere (i know some of you are touchy about what you call yourself, so feel free to insert any title that makes you feel fucking warm and fuzzy) and now I'm hopelessly addicted.

I cannot accurately plot my exact journey because it has been a wild ride and I honestly can't remember how I got where. I do know that after about a month of stalking Twitarded, I started commenting (under various names) and followed their blogroll.  Enter TwiBite. What can I say? I love me some Mrs. P. I will lick her bootheels in Foooorrrrrrkkkkkssss.

Once I started commenting, it was a tornado of Twi...I cannot remember the order in which I discovered who, but I was soon entranced by Robmusement who supplies my daily dose of  Robgoodness (Rob bless you J) and I heart her. I got grabbed by 17 Forever because Lisa is just such a fucking sweetheart. Even though she's all Robsteny...I can overlook that. ;P

In my mind, he drops her ass on the ground after this shot.

I got ensconced in the wonderment that is Twi-sted Edbrella and the lovelies that are responsible for that excercise in fuckery happy goodness! Hell, Nibbles has been officially (not ceremonially...yet) adopted into the Pantz clan! Stan and Mary are held between my cleavage...if ya want 'em, come and get 'em.

Around that time I found my Cheeto. Yes. Magnetic forces drew me to Poptarrts, who's contest I entered and we had some serious laughs! Of course right after that, I met Poptarrts wifey fer lifey, my Dorito Stoney, and now I'm hopelessly and irrevocably in love with both of those gheyt piratehookers ladies.  ~sigh~

Not sure how I got to Confessions of a Twiholic, but I'm glad I did. Jelena is a fierce wit with a filthy fucking mouth, and a way with words. Her posts always make me get all thoughtful and junk. I wanna squeeze her boobies around the neck till her eyes pop out! In a loving and tender way.

It was a new bb of mine that actually helped push me over the cliff from stalking lurking to blogging. The lovely Tongue Twied did a post that made me think I really could have a blog of mine own!

I love me some Cheaper than therapy cuz she's my girrrrrrrlll and I can't afford to see a licensed head shrinker. Plus, she's cuter than a motherfucking bug's ear. Trust.

To my sluuuutttt biscuit partner in crime Too Much Coffee: Big loves. You get your ass back here! Like nowish....I'll wait...*taps foot*

Another of my sweethearts is Twilight Cupcake at Twilight, Travel, and Treats. She is a globe-trotting-doctory-baker that can trick your blog out!!! Mobilize me baybay! She's also a filthy, filthy whore...which means I love her face even more. Check out her latest smokin' hot post.  Hey, I'm in Minnesoootah. I love me some Hockey.

My recent guilty pleasures include Twilight Mommy, head on over and check out the DSB...they like it durrrrrttttttyyyy! Twilight SagaPalooza has the best fucking Drunk Mad Libs ever on Friday nights! Don't be a taint...check that shit out!

I always look forward to Kelly at My discomRobulation because she is an inspiration and a breath of positivity.

Jen from Twired always makes me giggle...even though she's Robsten...again, I'll overlook and distract myself with something pretty. *walks away whistling*

Helllllllooooooo Prettttaahhhh.

Times like this, I'm grateful for my fucking ADD. And I'm loving the shit out of my newest blog find Tigerlilly's Tirade! She is tha biznezz. Get your sorry asses over to her blog and play Fact or Crap. Do it!

I would be remiss if I left out the amazing Dangrdafne! She is ever constant, ever loyal, ever true. Beautiful.

Man, if I forgot anyone, please take me out back and fucking flog me...please? I swear, I'm drunk (shocker) and I didn't mean to forget you.

Aaaaaaaannnnd that brings me to my fucking point! How the fuck did YOU get HERE???

You don't have to get into the sordid, hairy details and shit. I'm just curious. Waaayyyy curious, how you ended up here with me. So, spill.

You all have my heart.
Don't fuck with it.


  1. I have to say that pic of Rob in his white shirt is so hot, it took me all my willpower to scroll past!!

    Well, after my big sis harassed me to read the books & see the film I was totally addicted and ceased all communication with family & friends, lol. Think I read them 5 times before coming up for air! Feeling far too old to be so obsessed, I was more than relieved to find Twitarded and discover I was not alone, lol. There I found Stan & Nibbles, and Twi-stead Edbrella. Thank fuck I did, because thats where I spend most of my days lol! Its also how I found everyone elses blogs who post on there, including your fabulousness!!

  2. All WELL-DESERVED shout outs! How I got here? I clearly remember the beginning but after that initial period I had some sort of Twilight drunken blackout and when I woke up I can only remember Rob. There were a few days when I faked illness to be left alone to read my books, fanfiction, youtube, but from what I've read while popping around on the blogs that is a normal part of this Twisease.

    And I guess I fuckin' rate today! And yeah I'll take credit for encouraging you to start a blog that fateful day if you want to give it because prophase like I said, everyone deserves to carve out their own niche in this Twilight bloggy world! Sure you showed up for the carving with a chainsaw but hey, that's your style! LOL

    Soooooooooo any "fuck hawt dreams of Rob" yet? No? Maybe you are being punished for throwing out magazines with the precious' face on it! *shakes head in disappointment*

    Looking forward to all your future bloggy funuckery here and in the bloggy community!

  3. Mary was my enabler as far as the books and film go, then I found Twitarded, then started Edbrella and never looked back. I've got too many blogs to read every single day on my blogroll, which does upset me because they're all there for a reason, but I found them all through other blogs.

    I love all of my bloggy friends, we've formed our own lovely community and if I don;t get chance to spend as much time here or not pop in for a day, I miss everyone like mad. The only thing I wish about the blogs is that more of the readers and followers would join in, because I'd love to get to know everyone who takes the time to visit and read. xx

  4. You found me! I noticed you following me.. so one day I hid around the corner and when you started home I followed you back :)

    I'm pretty sure Robmusements was both our downfall. ItsJustMe has been my savior. She has helped to keep me in my Rob bubble and I adore her for it!

    Through this post I am adding blogs to my list... good lord the hubs is gonna just have me committed I tell ya! :) will you all visit me and bring me Rob pron at the asylum?

    I was introduced to Twilight by my sister-in-law just before the movie came out.. in October 2008. You can read the whole thing here:
    if you want...

    I have to tell you that your caption under the Vanity Fair pic of the two of them made me pee my pants... and that you just said it out there!! well I am forever your servant:)

    I love all you guys.. it was a tough year for me last year and if it wasn't for my blogging friends .. well I just don't know if my sanity would have been intact.

    No matter what brought us together... I'm glad we all have each other.

    (PS - Hell yes I pimped my own blog! I'm a hoor that way :) )


  5. Thanks for the shout biotch! Truly appreciate it. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...

    I always adore your comments, and look forward to them whenever I post something.

    Much love!
    xo J

  6. Damn girl, you put other shout-out posts to shame! Thanks for the love!!

    Don't worry, Kelly, I'mma do it, too...

    You can read all about how I got into Twilight here:, after that, I actually had NO IDEA about ff, so I went looking for other stories, found the BDB, Ghostwalkers, Nightwalkers, etc (all good, all in one of my recommended reading posts from early on), then a YEAR after reading (and becoming obsessed with) Twilight, I found Twitarded through an article somewhere else about women 30 and over who like Twilight. THEN I found FF - that was amazing. And I started commenting on Twitarded under my real name. Then I found Twilight Cupcake because she wrote a post about getting your FF on your mobile device, and that was something I wanted, and then I read her stuff and thought maybe I could have my own blog. It all exploded from there, and I'm not sure in what order.

    I am so excited you decide to start a blog with us all. I love your face, you are SO FUCKING funny, and just one of the best folks I've "met" (along with many you shouted out here) in a very long time. I heart you.

  7. Well damn..
    ..i GUESS im just that goddamn amazing.

    Cheeto loving BB x

  8. E! I will not allow you to lick my is way too humbling for both of us. You may hug me gently.
    Love you...

  9. well fuck a duck.....i cant remember how i got dressed form day to day much less how i stated stalking u, im sure it had somthing to doo with those twatwaffles over at TWITARDED and that hot little ho0r Mrs.P, ut who cares how it happened, just that it DID, u are FUCK HAWT AWESOME, and keep me snorting liquid thu my nose, so keep up the fucking good work, and maybe u will give a shout out to my blog, once im not embarressed to have people see it!!!!!
    Peace out and cocks rock!!!!!!!


  10. @Becky ~ GQ Rob for the WIN!!! That pic is smokin' and it gets me everytime...purrrrrrrrrrr.
    I'm stoked you found me through Edbrella, I am just always so curious what leads peeps to click and follow!

    @TT ~ Who needs a knife when you have a motherfuckin' chainsaw!!?? Fuckhawt Rob dream...yes!!! It is currently being analyzed by Mrs.P, and after she breaks that fucker wide open I will do a juicy post on it. Natch. :O

    @Stan ~ I know what you mean about wishing more readers would comment. It always amazes me when blogs have loads of followers, yet only the same few commenters! I wanna know what everyone thinks...even if they aren't thrilled with something I say. xo

    @Kelly ~ Boy am I glad you followed me home. I love creepers! ;D
    I ain't skeeerrrred to say what I think (obvs) and it is no secret that I am No-no-nonsten to the nth degree! I don't care if it's true or not...let's not ruin my fantasy dammit!!!

    @Jen ~ Biotch? Moi? Hehe. I promise to try to behave myself on your blog...kinda. I always read, but if I don't comment then just assume I didn't have anything nice to say! Muahs!!!

    @MB ~ I love your face as well, and will be sufficiently mauling it in FOOOOOOORRRRRRKKKKSSSS!!! Unless you see me which case, just remember what Poptarrts says...It's not rape if you yell "SURPRISE!!!"

    @Cheeto ~ Yes. Yes you are. XD

    @Mrs.P ~ Fine. Pffft. I will hug you, but I can't promise to be gentle. XXXXX!!!

    @Powerpuffgirl ~ The twatwaffles strike again!!!
    And I'm humbled by your comment, you RAWK!!! What's this about you having a blog??? Huh what??? When and where and how can I get there so I can wreak some fucking havoc???!!!

  11. (*shakes fist at the air* damn you blogger!!!)

    take 3

    i got the fuck here because of YOU, E. and i stay here because of all of you. *points to crowd* you are all pretty fuck awesome.

    i would say more, but i think i'm contractually obligated by the ladies over at Edbrella to not reveal any more until my interview w/them, which covers this topic, comes out. :)

    No matter how you got here, I think we're all pretty fucking glad you did! Keep blogging,E. You are fucking hilarious!

  12. AAAAHHHHHH! What the hell! How in the HELL-O did I not know this was here! DAMN! Thank Mrs P, I found you and now I will never LEAVE. You will wish you could get the fuck rid of me now!!!

    Thanks from the bottoms of my vagina for the shouts out, me love ya long time!!!

    Ummm...I thinki I answered the question above, literally. TwiWeasel, my partner in crime since before boys mattered (much) made me read the first book, under the agreement that I didn't have to read the rest if I didn't want too. I think the bitch was laughing her ass off as the emails went back and forth and I swore I would never become an twi-"Tard" or any other tard for that matter, but I would always love her anyway...LOL...Then I swore I would not read fan fiction or start blogging about something as trivial as Twilight...*sigh* jokes on me and now the bitch has one more fucking thing to say I told You SO....along with the first husband and several boys in high school....then there was the time we went out on the muddy road to smoke in her car and the tires were bald and....well, lets just say we were late to the basketball game and there was mud on out cheer skirts, k? And then there was the doritos, rum and tang incident....don't even get me started there.....GAH!

  13. WORD V....inedlies....I can't make this shit up...inedlies the key to my next orgasm....

  14. @TLR- that was awesome. way to give up the dish on TW. doritos, rum, and tang incident? i'm all ears. :)

  15. How I ended up here, reading your blog - I am "the pusher" you are refering to. Glad you gave twilight a try and you fell hard for it! It has been fun following your evolution through all of this!

  16. @Mr Pantz....ummmmm Poor TW, I was a terrible influence in our teen years...and I plead the fifth on this one...

  17. I LOVE that we are your guilty/dirty pleasure... ditto, sista! FFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

    So, how did I get here? Careful what you ask for - I've been told I can sometimes be a tad verbose...

    It was a lovely late summer's morning in 1976 when Raitz made her entrance into the world in Beautiful British Columbia...

    Fast forward a couple decades (ok, more than three, but you'd better not be fucking counting, E!)

    The lovely TM got me hooked on the blogdom... (backstory on Twilight is the same as many others - uber love of the books and movies, fuckhawtness of the actors, etc.) TM started Twilight Mommy in July 09 and then the next thing I know I've got some emails from Blogger outlining my new permissions to start writing my own posts on her blog! Well, fuck me with a Pocket Edward (please!), didn't THAT end up being super fun! Finally my degree in English Lit is paying off! Fast forward to January 2010 and Mrs. P's challenge to us... (go look for it - I'm still proud of my Fi Fi Fo Fum ditty...) since then I've been overwhelmed at the awesomeness of everyone here, including you, missy! Your comments always made me belly laugh when I'd come across them!


  18. Well, fuck me, I wanna squeeze your boobs too! :D I've missed ya bitch, but finally, I'm back. I've had a hell of journey, and no time to write. Now I've got some serious catching up to do.

    That's an amazing list of shoutouts. It all started with Twitarded for me too.

    Mwah, mwah.

  19. I must say it's very cosy indeed in your cleavage you raving mad Ho :)

    Can't stay my son is taking me to lunch, and he's paying!!


  20. How did I end up here?

    Force...absolutely. You held doritos in front of me and taunted me. It was really quite unfair. I was very comfortable in my hidey hole...damn your jumbuckery.

    Honestly it was Twitter. That is what got me here. And your relentless dedication to COB and the TwiPop Podcast...:)


  21. @Mr.Pantz ~ I'm glad you're here. As long as you don't fuck shit up. ;P

    @TLR ~ Yay!!! You made it!!! I'm stoked you're here, but you're wrong about one is YOU who will not be able to get rid of ME! Muahahahahahaaaaa!!! Oh, and I need to hear of this doritos, rum & tang incident...

    @Jen ~ I'm so glad you drugged me, and didn't leave me when I turned into a Twi-crackhead. It's been quite a fucking ride no?? Thanks for slummin' it on me blog! Love you. xo

    @Raitz ~ At least your degree can pay off in some respect right??? Hehe. XD

    @Jellys ~ Welcome back love!!! I can't wait to hear about your journey. Boobie rubs!!! xoxo

    @Mary ~ So glad I (my boobs) can be accomodating! ;0 Enjoy your always tastes better when it's free!! Muahs!

    @Dorito ~ Fate. Bringing jumbucks together since 2010. I heart your face. xoxo

  22. Thanks sweetie! I would love to mobilize your blog. Your colour scheme makes me smile. Purple is are inspiring me.

  23. I am so glad I opted not to go to bed tonight and get caught up on blogs or I would have missed this. For someone who didn't have anything to say, you said an awful lot and touched us all. *tear* Thank you for the love!

    How I got here, as best I can remember:
    1-Twilight movie
    2-Twilight book
    3-Twilight soundtrack
    4-Rob's music on YouTube
    5-Twilight DVDs (three damn versions)
    6-New Moon Book
    7-Eclipse Book
    8-Breaking Dawn Book
    10-Twitarded's Blogroll
    11-My Blog
    12-Google Alerts
    13-YouTube Videos
    15-Twi-sted Edbrella
    16-The rest of my Twi-Hos
    17-This post

    You knew I'd have to list 17 steps, didn't you?



  24. aw shucks. Thanks for the shout out. You're one of my favorite bloggers even though I thought you really were on E when I first met you. XOXO

  25. @TC ~ I will get in touch about mobilizing my blog! Even though my stupid poopyface phone won't be able to access it. Blech. Thank you! xo

    @Lisa ~ I should've known! You're so cute. I'm glad you're here! ((HUGS))

    @Mox ~ Who says I'm not? Teehee. I'm honored to be considered one of your faves. *bows down*
    I lurve your cold, dead heart. xo

  26. My answer to your question is my answer to my Twi-Bite challenge question: Books, movie, Twitarded.

    But to get to you is a few more glorious steps. 17ForeverLisa, Twi-Bite, Edbrella, Drunken Mad Libs and a whole host of others in there but DML led to needing to be on Twitter. Then twitter lead to meeting more new people and someone called smartEpantz. Then you started your blog and here I am :)

    Thank you for your more than sweet and kind shout out. I am humbled.

    Keep up the craziness. I love you and your hubtard and your whole family.

  27. @DD ~ You're baaaaack!!!! Yays! I'm glad you stick around my pithy little blog. You are a gentle and loving spirit, and you help give perspective to my life. I can't wait to see what you post about your trip! xoxo

  28. Ok is it wrong of me to feel hurt-y that I'm not on the "These Bitches Rule" list??? Fine I am sensitive today - blame your husband - lol...


    [Running off now to add you to "Awesome Peeps We Love" - yes I nave been remiss!]

  29. @STY ~ Do you have a button??? I could not find, I looked. I am going to be bouncing off the walls like an assclown on crack now that I'm on your sidebar!

    Oh, and I blame my husband for everything. No need to explain.

  30. wooo!

    email me? i do have a button - er, in image to use anyway - lol! we always were pretty much tech fails - still the case...

    : )


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