Monday, August 16, 2010

New and improved! Now with more E!

<-------Grab this button! All the cool kids are doing it!

So. I'm under a bit of construction...ish.

Stoney finally got off her ass was gracious enough to work her magic and make me a new banner and button! (i may have mentioned how fan.fucking.tastic she is) Grab that shit before it goes out of style. You don't want to be seen wearing last season's button and risk being the laughingstock of your workplace/institution/educational organization.

DO YOU???!!!

No. You don't. Because as I've discovered, you can think outside of the box and be edgy and go against the grain...but only enough to make yourself look cool. As seen on MTV. Anything beyond that is just weird and you should be outcast and shunned and looked upon as a motherfucking evil leper. Take note.

Don't bother ACTUALLY being different than the flock. Going against the status quo takes way too much fucking work, and let's face it...rarely pays off. It's much safer to duck your head and fly under the radar. Oh, and you can't trust anyone either. People are liars and they typically only look out for only themselves. It's true. Trust me. I have no fucking clue what the mutherfuck I'm doing folks.

I know I'm changing. That's about it. I meant for this post to be a teaser and sort of introduction to the new E, but then I kinda lost my mind a bit. It happens. Alot. I go to 11.

I'll be back in a day or so to tell you why I'm like a toilet. Stay tuned for that bowl of awesomesauce!

Stay piratey, hookers.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

How much E can you take??!! Let's find out together!!

I promise I won't blow your head off...kinda.

 I know, I've been gone for a coon's age. You can stab me in the shoulder blade with a rusty razor if that will make you feel warm and fuzzy. Otherwise, shut the fuck up. :) 

I've been through some shit in the past few months yo...some serious motherfucking shit.

I bought a house. That is a big fucking deal. I have 2 kids who are needy motherfuckers. I have a pile of bills that is seriously making me ponder the benefits of whoring myself out for cash. In the past month I've had my bedroom floor partially flooded, had to install a new central a/c unit and put a new roof on my garage or our homeowner's insurance goes bye-bye, a tub drain that is so clogged that my roommate (Stoney) has me convinced there are human remains stuck in the pipe joint (hehe. pipe joint. yes, I'm 12)...not to mention, my uterus staged a full scale attack against me, my back is fucking killing me from lifting furniture and children, and I get an EPIC motherfucker of a sunburn from killing weeds. I'm wrangling ginger kids and having walls built and still motherfucking unpacking what is ultimately worthless bullshit!!! But I might need it someday. Shut up.

I need that coaster to protect my furniture, fucking duhhhh.

I could blather on. So I will.

I actually have something important to say so cock your ears and hoist your tits. Or whatever it is you do when you are seriously paying attention. Or at least pretending to pay attention.

You have my full attention.


as you may know it, or over.


I still love Twilight. I still read Fic. I still want to hump Rob's pretteh face off. But my obsession is not of the caliber that it once was.

I have deep admiration and much respeck for all of you that have decided to jump on this crazy train, and I want you to know that I am not going anywhere. I am just going to be More E. Less Twi-shizz.

What are those bicycle fairies doing out during the day...and on my sides of the street???

I'm heres. I will be more deliberate about posting more frequently. Just know that the Twi will be more random and coincidental, and the E will be right in your fucking facehole! Try not to O.D. I'm not driving a bitch to the hospital. Ummkay?

More to come very soon my pretty snatchbiscuits (and dickbiscuits?), so consider this just the tip of E's full, hard length.

Can you handle this noise???

I hope so.

Lube up and relax...I promise to make it good.

Be back soon loves!