I promise I won't blow your head off...kinda.
I know, I've been gone for a coon's age. You can stab me in the shoulder blade with a rusty razor if that will make you feel warm and fuzzy. Otherwise, shut the fuck up. :)
I've been through some shit in the past few months yo...some serious motherfucking shit.
I bought a house. That is a big fucking deal. I have 2 kids who are needy motherfuckers. I have a pile of bills that is seriously making me ponder the benefits of whoring myself out for cash. In the past month I've had my bedroom floor partially flooded, had to install a new central a/c unit and put a new roof on my garage or our homeowner's insurance goes bye-bye, a tub drain that is so clogged that my roommate (Stoney) has me convinced there are human remains stuck in the pipe joint (hehe. pipe joint. yes, I'm 12)...not to mention, my uterus staged a full scale attack against me, my back is fucking killing me from lifting furniture and children, and I get an EPIC motherfucker of a sunburn from killing weeds. I'm wrangling ginger kids and having walls built and still motherfucking unpacking what is ultimately worthless bullshit!!! But I might need it someday. Shut up.
I need that coaster to protect my furniture, fucking duhhhh.
I could blather on. So I will.
I actually have something important to say so cock your ears and hoist your tits. Or whatever it is you do when you are seriously paying attention. Or at least pretending to pay attention.
You have my full attention.
take
some
E
as you may know it, or me...is over.
Sorta.
I still love Twilight. I still read Fic. I still want to hump Rob's pretteh face off. But my obsession is not of the caliber that it once was.
I have deep admiration and much respeck for all of you that have decided to jump on this crazy train, and I want you to know that I am not going anywhere. I am just going to be more...me. More E. Less Twi-shizz.
What are those bicycle fairies doing out during the day...and on my sides of the street???
I'm heres. I will be more deliberate about posting more frequently. Just know that the Twi will be more random and coincidental, and the E will be right in your fucking facehole! Try not to O.D. I'm not driving a bitch to the hospital. Ummkay?
More to come very soon my pretty snatchbiscuits (and dickbiscuits?), so consider this just the tip of E's full, hard length.
Can you handle this noise???
I hope so.
Lube up and relax...I promise to make it good.
Be back soon loves!
xoxo
E
Oh my...body bits in the drain. This Stoney character sounds questionable. Are you sure you want her living with you? I'm beginning to question your ability to make intelligent decisions on who you let into your house and around your spawn.
ReplyDeleteGood to see you have returned. I look forward to more E...as long as I have lots of water, a place to take a shit when the baby laxatives it was cut with come to pass, some glowsticks, and DJ Irene...I'm good.
Now...I have a date with a tumor, a grape salad, and a clothespin. Peace.
I love you more than I love Twilight. So I say: BRING IT ON!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso: where the fuck is my music? ;) Oh, wait, that's probably been delayed by your RL bidness, as well. No worries. I will sit in my room and patiently wait (or mercilessly harass you) until you are ready to send it to me. :D
MWAH on YOUR FACE!
FYI - I have the BEST w/v ever: noses. No shit.
good for you! do whatever makes you happy. i love your sense of humor and am looking forward to taking much more E in the near future!
ReplyDeleteI'll take ya anyway I can get ya... but I'm not riding my bike during the day anymore :)
ReplyDeleteXOXO